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What is a safe touch?

Safe touches make us feel good inside. It feels good to be hugged, kissed, and touched by people you love.

Some safe touches are:

  • When your mom or dad gives you a hug after you wake up
  • When your mom or dad kisses you goodnight
  • When your friend pats you on the back after a ball game

What is an unsafe touch?

Sometimes touches can give us bad feelings inside. They can make us feel sad, scared, or confused.

Some unsafe touches are:

  • Touch that hurts you
  • A person touching you in a place you do not want to be touched
  • A person forcing you to touch him or her
  • A person telling you to keep the touching a secret
  • A person saying they will hurt you if you tell someone else about the touch
  • Make yourself comfortable with anatomically correct language. Your child will sense it if you are not comfortable. Start teaching your child terms such as penis, vagina, buttocks, and anus when they are 2 or 3 years old. 

What should I do if a person gives me an unsafe touch?

  • Trust your “inner voice” that tells you it is an unsafe touch. This voice is telling you something is not right.
  • Do whatever you need to do to keep yourself safe.
  • You have the right to say, “No! Do not touch me. I don’t like it.”
    • It is okay to run away to a safe place.
    • It is okay to scream.
    • It is okay to fight back.
  • Tell someone you trust, like your mom, dad, or teacher, about what happened.
  • Tell someone even if the person who touched you told you not to tell.
  • If someone does not believe you, tell someone else until someone believes you.

If a person gave you an unsafe touch:

  • Remember the unsafe touch was not your fault.
  • You were very brave to tell someone.
  • It is okay to ask for help with your feelings.
  • Keep believing in yourself.
  • Call Center Telephone: 1-800-777-8442 or 1-319-384-8442
  • Call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room if your child is in immediate danger.
  • Report suspected abuse/neglect to the Iowa Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-362-2178.

Good touch for parents

All of us need to be touched. Physical affection helps us feel loved. Hugging and kissing children, in non-sexual ways, is important to their development. 

  • Hug your children often. They like to feel close.
  • Let them climb up on your lap. Hold them affectionately.
  • Give them praise by a pat on the back, rubbing their head, or giving them a high five. 
  • Play with your child(ren). Loving play can be playing horse, bouncing them on your lap gently, rocking them in your arms, or carrying them on your shoulders.
  • Show affection to your partner in front of your child by holding hands or giving them a gentle kiss or a warm hug. They learn how to show affection by seeing it.
  • Remind your children to never keep secrets about touches. Tell them to tell you right away if somebody wants them to keep a touch secret.