Keeping Your Child Safe

Are you nervous about talking to your child about abuse?

You may worry that:

• You will scare your child.
• You will make your child feel worried or less trusting.

You want to help your child feel safe and confident. You do not want them to be afraid and lose trust in others.

Do you worry about your child’s safety?

• Talking with your child can help prevent physical or sexual abuse.
• Start talking with them when they are young. Keep talking with them when they are teenagers.

How do I talk to my child about staying safe from abuse?

Find the right time and place to talk. Look for teachable moments. Talk about abuse prevention during everyday events.

• Do not rush into abuse prevention talks. Start with body safety talks, such as crossing the street or wearing a helmet.
• Do not let your fears get in the way. Make sure you are calm before you talk with your child.

How do I find the words?

• Talk about prevention skills with your partner before you talk with your child. Agree on the words you will use.
• Make yourself comfortable with the correct names for body parts, such as penis, vagina, buttocks, and anus. Your child will sense if you are not comfortable. Teach your child these words when they are 2 or 3 years old. If you do not teach them the correct words at a young age, they will soon learn incorrect words from other children or friends.
• Teach your child how they can find help in an emergency when you are not there.
• Do not use big and scary words such as kidnap, kill, or death when you talk about safety skills.
• Use words like safe and unsafe touching. Do not use words like rape or sexual abuse.

The focus

• Focus on what your child can do to stay safe when they are in a dangerous or uncomfortable situation. This will help them feel more confident and less afraid.

Prevention skills

Find time to talk about these safety skills with your child(ren) regularly:

• Teach them: “Your body is your own. Nobody should touch your body without your permission.”
• Many children believe saying “no” to an adult is wrong and they will be punished. Give your child permission to say “no” to anyone who scares them with their words or touches.
• Give your child choices for when they are in a scary situation.
  • Run away from danger. Run to school, a neighbor’s house or apartment, a store, or home. Run to the closest safe place. Help your child list and remember these safe places.
  • Yell loudly and do not stop yelling until you are safe.
  • Tell your child it is okay to hit, kick, bite, scratch, or scream to get away.
• Help your child learn the difference between surprises and secrets.
  • Surprises are temporary, usually fun, and will always be shared eventually.
  • Secrets often make children feel scared or uncomfortable. Secrets should always be shared with a safe adult who will help. Help your child list the names of safe adults to tell secrets to.
• Let your child know, “Whenever you have a problem, no matter how scary or embarrassing, I will listen and believe you. If you share problems with me, I can help you and keep you safe.”

Self confidence

• Help your child believe in their own skills to be safe.
• After talking about safety, tell your child you know they will remember safety skills at home, in the neighborhood, and at school.
• Give your child a hug. Show them you believe in them.

Safe, strong, and independent

• All parents want their children to grow up feeling safe, strong, and free. Parenting is hard. It takes practice.
• Communication is the most important tool parents have to make sure their children are protected. Listening to children and talking honestly with them is a good way to practice prevention skills.